Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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