Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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