I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
