If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
