What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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