it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
someone owes me an orgasm
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
