I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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