I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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