This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
