We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
