i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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