So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
