There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Shame - the story of my life.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize