There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We had to coat check the pizza.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
