is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
