dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Of course I have a pirate flag
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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