How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
