My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize