I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize