What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
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I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
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Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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