I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
