walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
