You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
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just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
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I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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