It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
