My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
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