I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
