I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
