I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
