i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
