I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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