he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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