you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
