he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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