I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
