I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I looked at my own cervix.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
