He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
