FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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