if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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