I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
