Just mADE A PArabola og urine
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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