he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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