I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
how does that bad decision feel?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
