I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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