that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
