I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It's just like the Real World with babies
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
