i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we're making bets on your personal life
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
