is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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