I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
