dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
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