the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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