____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
