i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
