Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Randomize
