and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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