So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
