I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
