Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
These tits shall not be calmed
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
