hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
