Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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