genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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