wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
