So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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