after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
did i just pee glitter
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
