Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
