I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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