38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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