What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
