Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
