Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
