ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
