I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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