is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i think i have two assholes
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
