Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
