the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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