God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
