At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
