he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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