Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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