Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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