garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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