drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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