dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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