No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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