Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
