It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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