I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
