I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
