apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
