Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
