I must be too annoying 4 u.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
