I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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